Friday, March 14, 2008

How do you know when you're in an abusive relationship

Does it make you feel bad about yourself? Do you feel like you're not appreciated, that there is no consideration for the things you do? Does the other person put you down constantly and do they attempt to undermine you at every step, no matter what you do or how well you do it? Abuse is not only about someone raising a hand and hitting you, it often starts with the above.

In my TV days I did several pieces about violence against women, I've also written on the subject over the years. Abuse is about control. It is not about love, or commitment or even the other person/s being evil. It is about having dominion over another person to the point where they suffer for the inflictor to feel superior. While physical abuse is repugnant mental abuse is just as bad. In fact, as I've been told by many abused women, it's worse when your mind is f******, bodies heal, it's harder to fix your mind.

But here's what, chances are if you were being abused in a relationship you or someone who loved you might be moved to do something about it. Not everybody gets away but at least there is the possibility that you will get help. If the signs above are about abuse I have to wonder. I see more and more people at work heading off for EAP because that's how they feel all the time. And I think, why would you want to stay in a situation that makes you feel bad all the time? Because many of us do. We settle for crap on the job when we probably wouldn't in our personal lives. Think about it. And remember, life is too damn short and work does not die or get ill, people do.

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