Friday, January 25, 2013

As the world turns

Sometimes, in making a decision to change our lives we forget the most important thing, to change. In moving on, we must let go, turn the page or whatever cliched phrase that we choose to insert, to really have meaningful change in our lives. Often, we go weeks or months wondering why nothing seems to be working the way we think it should, or we get frustrated because it's like banging your head against a brick wall.  Because we have clung to the very things that we wanted to leave behind. The lesson when delivered, is usually so obvious that we feel dumb. 

Case in point. In turning my back on a lifelong career, even though I didn't really see it as a career, more a series of jobs that made me proficient at a lot of seemingly useful things, I was ready to move on to something new. Except that some baggage managed to travel with me. 

I forgot the change part. Change is hard, it requires thought and effort on my part, which I'm exceptionally capable of...but usually only apply to my work. And so, in taking up the new course, I threw myself into it, loading up on responsibility, the whole nine yards. And was heading down the road for what I was so trying to leave behind. 

And then, a series of happenings held up the stop sign. What! Wait! Not again! Because you see, in moving on, I hadn't really let go of some stuff that had to go. Opening the newspaper today was the biggest reminder. A random advertisement. The department that I'd spent the better part of a decade building, honing, mentoring and supporting was being advertised. Every single position. We were all gone. Time marches on and things change. Seeing that, knowing the sacrifices, the long hours that cannot be retrieved, the acid reflux disease that still lingers, the lost relationships, missed occasions, all for what? 

In the end it was not ours, we invested heavily my bunch and me. And in the end we were shoved out, unwanted and mostly unappreciated. We've now all gone our separate ways and are a footnote, found on documents or things we worked on. While we left our footprint, that too will soon be gone, swallowed up by the new. And that's ok, because that's life. But it is to remember that we have a life, to live it best we can. 

So today, in moving on, my gypsy soul rejoices at the possibilities, they are endless and they stretch before me. As long as I am brave enough to reach for them and remember the lessons. 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

A love affair in 200 words or less

Its a love affair, the kind that makes you hunker down in the sheets, be resentful when the phone rings or you have to get up to walk the dog. With my lover, I have travelled to exotic locations, had adventures, both in and out of the bedroom....met a whole lot of people. Some days am left breathless by the endless possibilities this affair presents. It is starting to take over my life. My former loves are probably getting pretty resentful. 

Consider that one of the things I'm referring to is an inanimate object that I spend way too much quality time with, a MacBook Pro and the other is my best buddy who, coincidentally cannot speak though he conveys disapproval pretty clearly. Having discovered that mostly people annoy me, my most meaningful, long standing relationships other than a handful of really good friends (who are very smart, fun people), have been with said dog and of late, an Amazon Kindle. 

Having been an avid reader ever since my parents first plunked my sulky, anti-social behind down on my little blue rocking chair and handed me a book, my various living abodes have been overrun by shelves and shelves filled with rows of delicious books. I am the kind of person who reads, re-reads and generally gets good value. Books are my escape and I have been known to lug them everywhere. Looking at kids today, thumbs poised over gaming consoles killing the latest alien or whatever, I can only feel sorry for them, because how boring is that. 

Technology has become my friend again, now I can walk around with many books, flip back and forwards between them anywhere! WOW. In my limited time off, I hustle the housework, resenting each moment I spend cleaning the bathroom before I can get back to my latest download. No need to wait for trips to the bookstore anymore, once the WiFi is up and money on the credit card, whoosh. Printed books are still wonderful, you can after all drop them and not have to worry too much about breakage, you can read them when the power goes and they don't require WiFi but, they do sometimes require reading glasses. And to be honest, bookstores are still fun places. 

And so my lover beckons, am off to resume my adventures. What will it be this morning? Wizards and vampires? Murder mysteries or the latest Man Booker award winner?