Friday, January 25, 2013

As the world turns

Sometimes, in making a decision to change our lives we forget the most important thing, to change. In moving on, we must let go, turn the page or whatever cliched phrase that we choose to insert, to really have meaningful change in our lives. Often, we go weeks or months wondering why nothing seems to be working the way we think it should, or we get frustrated because it's like banging your head against a brick wall.  Because we have clung to the very things that we wanted to leave behind. The lesson when delivered, is usually so obvious that we feel dumb. 

Case in point. In turning my back on a lifelong career, even though I didn't really see it as a career, more a series of jobs that made me proficient at a lot of seemingly useful things, I was ready to move on to something new. Except that some baggage managed to travel with me. 

I forgot the change part. Change is hard, it requires thought and effort on my part, which I'm exceptionally capable of...but usually only apply to my work. And so, in taking up the new course, I threw myself into it, loading up on responsibility, the whole nine yards. And was heading down the road for what I was so trying to leave behind. 

And then, a series of happenings held up the stop sign. What! Wait! Not again! Because you see, in moving on, I hadn't really let go of some stuff that had to go. Opening the newspaper today was the biggest reminder. A random advertisement. The department that I'd spent the better part of a decade building, honing, mentoring and supporting was being advertised. Every single position. We were all gone. Time marches on and things change. Seeing that, knowing the sacrifices, the long hours that cannot be retrieved, the acid reflux disease that still lingers, the lost relationships, missed occasions, all for what? 

In the end it was not ours, we invested heavily my bunch and me. And in the end we were shoved out, unwanted and mostly unappreciated. We've now all gone our separate ways and are a footnote, found on documents or things we worked on. While we left our footprint, that too will soon be gone, swallowed up by the new. And that's ok, because that's life. But it is to remember that we have a life, to live it best we can. 

So today, in moving on, my gypsy soul rejoices at the possibilities, they are endless and they stretch before me. As long as I am brave enough to reach for them and remember the lessons. 


GirlBlue said...

Love it, well written

Gabriela said...

Good luck. As we'd say in Spanish: alas y bien viento (wings and good wind).