Have you ever stood before your closet, looked in and known that the disguise held within was no longer yours to call own? The blameless clothing, shoes, bags or whatever else instead of bringing pleasure serving only to remind you of what you once were. Or the contrast between the items, so disparate that you knew that you were playing a game, one that you were losing. The thought of donning them as abhorent as wearing yesterday's crusty underwear.
My pardner Slacker has remarked about my melancholy today, but I'm not. Really, I'm not. In some parts of the world it is spring. New shoots are shoving their way through the winter hardened earth, all coy and green. Birds starting returning, that kind of thing. People thinking about cleaning out, brushing away winter's cobwebs. Here in the tropics where the earth is being baked harder than a sweetbread left in the oven too long there is no excuse for clearing out. Except for the need to de-clutter, find some space, re-invent self.
So far this morning, and we all know that I am neither a morning person especially not a Sunday morning person, nor am I particularly house proud, there are six large bags of clothes and one with shoes bearing testament to my need to clear. Something I try to do with regularity. As I always say, if your hands are full how can you pick anything up?
Today I want to breathe, to stretch my arms up over my head, arch my back , curl my toes into the floor just for the sheer pleasure of it. Stroke my dog's shiny , soft fur for the joy it gives both of us. Lime via instant messenger with my cousin Temptress, smiling at her woes which are so remote from mine. I may yet bestir myself from the dark blue cotton sheets, worn from use but smooth to the skin, sashay down to the corner for the papers or maybe a quick trip to Maraval for some stewed chicken and peas from Creole Cuisine, a dish that I can cook very well but cannot see the point in making for one.
So many options, why spend it lamenting for what isn't, for what I don't have, when I can appreciate what I do.