Wednesday, May 28, 2008

In the news today

We sure could use a little good news today. After several "heavy" posts I wanted to be light, write something fluffy, easy, pleasurable only because it was fun. And then, I got to my desk and read the headlines on this morning's paper. It was singularly depressing, a sea of discomfiting things. And I thought, do we really need me to re-hash all the wrongs and ills of this world here. No, there are days when I just need to say my piece because it bothers me so.

But to dwell, would not make it any better, while I find it horrific I'm not going to be cowed by it.

So here's the piece that I was thinking of writing.....

Have you ever looked in a woman's handbag? You can tell a lot about a gal from what she totes around. Most women toss everything conceivable in there. The wife of my former brother-in-law used to carry a standard size number. Nowhere near the suitcase I lug around, yet she managed to fit all kinds of gems in there, hand sanitiser, toilet seat covers, breath mints, for most situations she had a fix ensconced in that purse.

Mine is a veritable minefield consisting of:

several notebooks in different sizes - all in varying degrees of use
make up bag stuffed with blotting tissues, brushes, pots of things (largely unused)
8 pens! Who needs that many?
Address book
Cheque book (also largely unused, nobody takes cheques right)
wallet ( with no money in it)
card holder
mobile phone
And about a dozen other miscellaneous items too onerous to mention.

Who really needs to lug around this much crap? Men slip a wallet into their pocket and out the door. Women's handbags are, well, like women. The same way our conversations have sub-texts, hidden nuances only understandable to other women, so too are we, like our handbags filled with unnecessary baggage.

Now I know I'm going to be pilloried for this but hear me out sistah's. Ever notice women take everything personally. When someone compliments us, we have to analyse every word. Men, you tell them they looking nice and they preen happily! It doesn't matter to them whether their shoes match their belt. Who the firetruck cares other than some...woman. Sure you don't want to go out looking like a slug or for that matter, a Woodbrook street corner denizen but c'mon, do you really need six shades of lipstick, four blush and three eye pencils every day? Maybe not right. Is it worth the backache to jack our feet up to dizzying heights in six inch heels that we can barely walk in, lugging around a fifty pound handbag because we cannot bear to leave anything at home, just in case.

Nope, didn't think so. BTW, my suitcase sized handbag has now been purged.


Wuzdescene said...

gyul ... no pain ... no gain ... I go dead fuh fashion ... have tuh have dem (single black female) heels ... also ... have tuh have de suitcase size handbag ... cuz it have tuh fit ... my life ... and then some ... tings like ... lip balm ... lipstick ... emery board and nail clipper ... mirror and baby lotion ... wallet (which is like ah whole odda handbag!) ... cell phone .... camera ... vitamins and headache tablets ... hand sanitizer ... power mints ... dental floss ... plasters ... tissue ... cheque book ... diary ... note pads ... two pens ... an umbrella ... flash drive ... cash ... cards ... keys ... and the kitchen sink!

... my handbag keeps me safe ... its equipped tuh handle anything!

... and if condoms were bigger ... men would need handbags too :-)

Coffeewallah said...

Yuh know! I throw out mih back again, just want to share the misery with everybody nuh. Yuh know it have to be REAL bad for me to give up the four inch stilettos.

Cogent chick said...

very funny, I really enjoy your blogs, I think your writing is very ummm... animated and engaging - even when its about not so pleasant topics.

Keep up the good work!