De Boissiere House

I am pissed. I could could get vex about all the stupidness that goes on here. Cutting down the hills for endless ugly house, traffic, stupidity, bad drivers; we all know the list is endless. A day in the life "paradise" is often fraught. I want to remind people sometimes, when they talk about making this country a "hub of commerce" or a "first world nation", this is where people come to escape the worst of those types of places.

We so damn lucky here we take everything for granted not acknowledging that it may all be gone before we blink. Lest I slip into nostalgia, I do remember a time when kids rode their bikes on the street, you knew your neighbours and people actually showed some courtesy to each other. And I'm not even that old!

Instead,we seem to have adopted the worst behaviours and lost our sense. On Saturday I drove with a friend, another woman, to Chaguaramas. I love being on or near the water and we went there to breathe. In a way it was almost like being in a different world. My friend and I, while enjoying the ambience and reminiscing about a time when we could actually get out of the car were saddened to note the incursions being made. This is the Caribbean that people outside long for, the trees, water lapping against the shore, sunlight, quiet. When I worked outside of Trinidad my colleagues were all envious that I had a ready escape back to something they considered divine.

I wish they knew. Instead I breathe the carbon monoxide fumes, have respitory illness due to the polluted air and sick building syndrome. I watch while our beautiful historic buildings are swept aside to make way for featureless, concrete monstrosities with no personality, no identity. Nothing to celebrate the very differentness of "we".

I'm asking you if you read this blog, visit the link on the right and see for yourself what we might be losing.

50 years of Grammy

Hey did anyone catch the Grammy's last night? I fell over laughing when Vince Gill, white bread country boy, dissed Kanye West. I don't care how talented people say Kanye is, I think he's full of shit. His ego is so large it's amazing it could fit in the room. There were truly famous people in there. Learn some humility bwoy, when you get like the Beatles or Ray Charles and your music is an institution then you can boast like you've been doing.

I'd stopped watching the Grammy's a few years back, they stopped being interesting or maybe I'm just too old to appreciate what passes for music these days. Okay, I still love music, I buy CD's and download's but I find there are very few thing now that have the staying power of many songs that we consider standards. Last night proved that in some ways, many young "superstars" were paired up with icons. Let me tell you, Rihanna looked stupid next to The Time, and the Time is one of the campest bands around. Beyonce and her weave were pale in comparison to Ms Tina Turner, that sister can move. Oh Beyonce gave it a good shot but Tina's husky rasp, fabulous figure (she's over sixty!) and cool moves were amazing. I want to be her, when I grow up!

And can anyone say yay for Amy Winehouse. The singer, under pressure for her drug taking, was denied an entry visa to the US to perform, cleaned up with her song Rehab. It's sad that Amy is probably going to be another rock n roll statistic but damn that girl is good! Amy, I hope you do go to rehab and are around a long time but if not, then that's what was meant to be.

You certainly couldn't beat Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard and John Fogarty belting out standards like Good Golly Miss Molly and Great Balls of Fire. People were up and dancing. It was infectious, you know rap might be the thing but it sure as hell does not inspire all kinds of people to get up and dance. These songs were around long before I was born as was much of the Beatles music. They were my mom's generation but Let It Be is still one of my favorite songs of all time. Largely for the same reason I like Eminem, the music speaks to me.

To everything there is a season and music is most representative of this. But it is delightful to know, even though it has been thirty years since the Beatles stopped performing together, their music continues to reach new fans. Tina can still shake it with the best of them, and Josh Groban may yet turn out to be one of those voices with staying power. " You better be good to me, that's how it's gotta be......"

For Blue

I didn't play mas this year. Again. For the third year in a row. If that were not enough, I didn't do ANYTHING Carnival. Okay, I know, it's so not like me or who people think I am. But you know, people change and all that.

I confess, I haven't changed that much, I just couldn't get into the whole thing this year. The importance of manic feteing, overpriced costume, same old, same old.

Has Carnival lost it's wonder and magic for me? I had a lot of time to contemplate that while slapped on Cream Silk paint in my front room. Lay off me with the Cream coloured paint thing, it's very soothing. The therapy involved in balancing on a six foot ladder with a wonky knee is endless, you concentrate. You also realise how really, really, trust me on this, really, grotty that front room gets from all the road traffic and then it dawns, I'm breathing in this stuff, ARG. The cogniscent part of my mind was playing with the idea of abandoning house and hound and hightailing it down to a mas camp, at that stage any mas camp would do and mortgaging what was left of my soul for a costume.

I only just managed to contain myself, largely spurred by the extra large credit card crisis brought on by a retail therapy trip to Target/Macy's/Nine West et al. It was hard. I was awfully depressed for quite a while, and at that point, it was only Sunday. And then I thought of my fellow blogger Blue who was experiencing Mas for the first time as a non-spectator this year.

I remembered my first time climbing into costume, I think I was about 11 or so. It was Red Cross Kiddies Carnival, we charged around the stage, private school kiddies playing at "mas" before it was hip for "our kind" to be doing so. It was Indian mas and we had a ball making those costumes, sticking on the sequins, gold dots and feathers. Those costumes were so beautiful in our eyes, of course now, looking back you have to admit they were pretty lame in comparison to the other kids who were veterans of the Kiddie Mas. Those kids had an arsenal of mummies, grannies, uncles etc, all committed to the cause. Now they really had a good time.

It is that early memory that keeps me going. Even though I had featured in several school plays, theatrical efforts of the young and desperate, mas was entirely different. Liberating even. All those things that my pre teenage self wanted to do but couldn't. I had a long hiatus between that experience and my adult costume but Carnival has always been for me, the one time I truly am free, to be.

So Blue, I know you looked fab in your costume, and I hope that you had a truly wonderful experience, one that will stay in your memory as a good time. See you on the road next year!

Why I not playing mas

My friends, all ten of them, will attest to my being a Carnival jumbie. This comes from years of trying to find me during the season. This has included tracker dogs and threatening voice mail messages. I have friends who, for years, have been begged to bring food to various mas camps while I toiled; or actually press ganged into finishing costumes. Then there are the faithful who drag around with me on my journalistic pursuits. You know, until recently I was still getting e-mail from brownie troops in north america, how's that for staying the course.

Yes, it's true, Carnival is the one time of year that I feel the need to engage in "the Culture". It's my thing, or it used to be. In the course of my rather checkered life, I have played mas, made mas, covered all things Carnival, in short, designed the T-shirt and sold it... I am a 'Carnival 'ho and proud of it. I've written over 300 articles on Carnival and its connections. So you get it, I'm into the Carnival. But I'll tell you now, I have only ever worn the bead and bikini thing once. It was an interesting experience. I spent the day tugging at my beads hoping that they would magically multiply and cover the large amounts of flesh that seemed to be on display. I had culture shock accustomed as I was to the more flattering, read covered up, creations of Mr. Minshall. No need to slave away in the gym, the love handles were covered. I did not appreciate my size six body when I had it but that's for another day.

Having slaved away at what was a labour of love for so many years I wonder when exactly I realised the honeymoon was over. Was it when I realised the costume cost more than my rent and car payment? Or could it have been having written yet another description of the what looked like the same King and Queen costumes. No, I think actually it was when it became all about the which fete and how many fetes. But it's not fun anymore. And I can't squeeze my size ten body into the size small costume, they all seem to be size small. If you looking for me, I'll be hiding out at home with hound, eating junk food in front of the tv in my jammies. Have fun for me allyuh!

Enjoy life

I just wanted to say...don't let anyone get you down, don't let anyone steal your joy. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by the negative. Life is too damn short to be wasted on inconsequential things. We all live in a pressure cooker; deadlines, traffic, irritants, bank loans, credit cards whatever, but how much time do we in fact devote to being happy, just because. Think about it and then ask yourself if it was all worth it.

Vacation?

So I'm back at my desk. I've been away for over a week and tell the truth, I didn't miss it, nor did it really miss me. Not that I think the place will fall down if I'm not here. Quite the contrary, I think things will tick along one way or other.

Ostensibly I was off on vacation. You know, vacations should be things where you go off and ruminate on a sandy beach somewhere, waves splish splashing, sun shining, a man in a sarong bringing your drink with the requisite umbrella. Nights filled with twinkling stars or salsa dancing; or salty tapas as you flit from bar to bar, singing songs in spanish. Even days whiled away pondering an artist's work or cooking fabulous dishes with Nigella. Fun stuff.

Vacations should definitely not be spent rushing around a mall trying to cram in every possible moment of retail therapy humanly possible just in case you don't have another opportunity. Nor should they be spent listening to people go on and on about how awful like is in ....(insert country here). When to take the time to travel to someone else's country it should be for the experience of something different, whatever that might be.

The time of the steamer trunk, the long leisurely boat sail across an ocean to get to your destination is certainly over. A more genteel way don't you think instead of the mad dash across a crowded airport to cram into an iron machine with a few hundred people wheezing and coughing or whatever. Sure you get there faster and it's much more accessible to more people but has today's travel really enhanced our lives?

I think I was out of practice with this vacation thing but now I know what I don't want to do. Oh I don't mind the occasional shop til you drop etc, I relish the opportunity sometimes, the trick is to also do those other things that you want to do, the things that interest you. Meanwhile, I'm frantically planning my next little flit, off to some Caribbean island to see if I can get in some of that sand and sarong clad man time. Try it yourself!

Dreaming

You know, there are days when I long for the anonimity of a quiet beach, my book and dog. And then there are the days when I wish that I could have Gerard Butler gift wrapped, deal in possibilities right. But you know, a little fantasy never hurt so I do escape to the movies and lose myself in whatever the film maker dreams up for us, sometimes more successfully than others.

We get so caught up in the process of living that sometimes we forget to dream. Today I told a very old friend, someone who's nurtured my career incidentally, an idea I had for a programme. It was the first time in a long time I confessed that I still thought in tv. It's a really good idea and I can see it in my mind's eye, sort of like watching the movie 300. I get it.

Things that make you go hmmm.

And a Happy New Year to you too....

I thought I'd gotten off to a good start this year. Dropped the baggage and all that kind of thing, my time, etc. etc. Two things happened, though I refuse to let them negatively influence my life, they did once again remind me that you constantly have to question people in your life.

My friend/colleague Doug and I had tootled off to the tattoo guy. Doug and I have a very similar ethic, we are both tattooed and our tattoos are very personal to us. They're not about fashion, they mark passages and are almost in a way, a rite of passage. So anyway, it's a safe bet that we're both getting tattooed again. It was good feeling and since we were both at somewhat loose ends, the conversation was going well we stopped to have a convival drink together before going our separate ways.

To cut a long story short, I ended up having to take the keys of an acquaintance to prevent him from drunk driving. It was not pleasant but what totally pissed me off was that this man's friends or drinking buddies all sat around and watched him stagger out of the bar and did not even bleat. Imti did inquire as to whether his companion was driving to be told no, and all the men sat there giggling with her. Other than Doug who didn't even know the acquaintance no one seemed to care. At which point something had to be done. It's ugly and I prefer not to talk about it, I had keys. I am now not so sure I want to be speaking to these people. Doug and I left after I passed the keys on to the acquaintance's girlfriend. For all kinds of reasons I am still mad today. But I really don't want to talk about it.

The other thing was seemingly small, an old boyfriend took an e-mail that I had spent some considerable thought and time on, forwarded it to his address book, including me, passing it off as his own. He's passed my work off as his own before, quite a lot actually, so why did this bug me more. It underlined the lack of regard that this person who professes to be my friend, has for me.

Life lessons. So my friends, I've had my rant, I'm letting it go. I happily look forward to getting my new tatt, it means another passage but that's between me and my dragon. Happy New Year. Stand by your convictions and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.